Learning to be Assertive: Lesson 1: Tell the Waiter

 Learning How To Be Assertive: Lesson 1

 Why Assertiveness?

One of the things I absolutely love about the company that I work for is that they are focused on professional and personal development, and encourage employees to have at least one personal goal to strengthen themselves as an individual contributor, manager, or leader.

I like to take this time to find something that puts me completely out of my comfort zone, and work on that for self improvement.  This year, I'm focusing on learning how to be assertive to become a more effective leader. 

Now assertiveness makes me very uncomfortable.  I HATE to say 'No,' I hate confrontation, and I always have believed that it is more important for others to get the things they want than it is for me to voice what I want.  This philosophy will not fly if I want to become a leader within my organization.

First Thing - Research

So first thing, I researched the subject.  Even though this article is written for men, it really spoke to me: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/02/12/how-to-be-assertive

What did I learn from this article? Two things:
1) Buy the Assertiveness Workbook
2) Start Small with Being Assertive: Next Time You're Served Something at a Restaurant You Don't Like, Let the Waitor Know

Putting it Into Practice

I immediately purchased the Assertiveness Workbook on Amazon Prime.  That was easy.  I haven't started reading it yet because I wanted to test my skills at the second line item - and since I was traveling and eating out a lot this past week, I had plenty of opportunities (and successes!):

A) Eating breakfast with my husband at Rivals the Saturday before I leave to travel:  the toast was brick hard and not buttered.
Usual Patty: Eats the toast without complaint because the waiter looks so busy, telling him about the toast would ruin his day.
Assertive Patty: Asks the waitor, "When you get a chance, would you be able to bring me some softer toast?" (Bonus: my husband had already eaten my toast, and neither was on the bill).  I leave a big tip because I feel a bit guilty still, but ... Success!

B) On the plane to Seattle and the flight attendant asks, "Pretzels, peanuts, or cookie?"  I say, "Cookie, please," but the flight attendant forgets and only hands me my drink.
Usual Patty: Drinks her soda without complaint and doesn't tell the flight attendant because she doesn't want to embarrass the flight attendant for forgetting.  I shouldn't be eating cookies anyway, and this is a sign to reinforce that.
Assertive Patty: As the flight attendant pushes the cart to the next row, asks, "Excuse me, would I be able to get that cookie?" The flight attendant says, "Oh honey I'm sorry, here's two." Success!

C) At a very expensive restaurant in Seattle, I order an $18 mussel appetizer, and that taste like Lake Erie.
Usual Patty: Doesn't say anything to the waiter because he seems so pleasant and I don't want to be 'that bitchy lady' that he encountered that night.
Assertive Patty: When the waiter asks how everything is, says, "The chowder was amazing, the mussels were really fishy, and the Salmon was out of this world."  The waiter asks, "You didn't like the mussels?" And I say, "No."  He says, "Well honey, let's take them off your bill!"  Success!

What Did I Learn?

What was I so worried about? Being assertive is actually getting me what I want, and it doesn't seem like the waiters and flight attendants are put off what-so-ever if I'm pleasant while delivering the news.  Starting small was an amazing idea, and liberating for certain!   Lesson 1 accomplished.

Lesson 2...